Seeking Motivation Guru

Can anybody recommend me a motivation guru? Desperately need him / her to keep me sane until my next return to Singapore.

Current stage of patient: A zombie developing bad breath due to unused mouth, trying to pass time.

Pig Year!...So Far???

The Good:
Knowing that there are going to be new additions to the Pig year.

The Bad:
A fallen friend
A losing-money asset
A longing heart for Pebble

What have I learnt?

I have been wondering what is Pebble trying to teach me through her disappearance. I came to the following conclusions; that it reaffirms my belief that it will always be a very painful experience to lose something very dear to me; that it allows me to see the truth about some friendships.

But if you ask me, is it all worth it? My answer is no. I don't need the reassurance and I can do without the truth about some friends. I just want my Pebble back.

Although going back to Singapore is a good escape. Emotions have not changed. How Pebble was lost, what are the clues we had about where she could be, is she alive, is she safe.....all these had not erased from my memory. I know I probably will not get answers to the above.....

1 Month!

Same day last month, Pebble was frightened by the fire crackers and ran away. I have not seen her thereafter. Today, we went back to the estate again just to take a look. I wonder if I will ever see her again. If I don't, I hope she is happy and warm. She will always be in our hearts and always be my dearest baby.

Pebble, Mummy miss you!

Dealing With Lost

The following question keeps coming to my mind after I lost Pebble. Is dealing with death easier than dealing with a lost that has a possibility of being recovered? Pebble is my first lost in my life. It has not been easy dealing with this sudden lost. The first week was terrible. There were a lot of sadness, heartaches, pains and tears. I wanted her back so badly. Then it was the phase of coming to terms with the harsh reality that I might never find her back. Just when you thought you were in more control with your emotions, phone calls of Pebble sightings rekindled the hope. And since then, it was a period of trying to get your life back, managing disappointment and cautiously dealing with new leads. There are many emotional upheavals in this phase and you wonder when will everything be normal again? When to give up and should we ever give up? What else can we do if we don't? Maybe in this sense, dealing with death is easier? I don't know...really don't.

Coming face to face with the pet sitter!!!

We decided to arrange a session to settle all the issues with the pet sitter once and for all. We had 4 Russians to help us with the questioning; Adrian's interpreter, driver, a friend and his driver. When the pet sitter came, he looked worried and shock that there were so many people around. The Russians gave him a hard time. A friend asked what did I hope to achieve out of this session. I guess firstly, we wanted to have a full picture of how he lost Pebble and what did he do during those few days before we came back. Secondly, we wanted to affirm how he felt after he lost Pebble; was he sorry, guilty etc or simply, too bad, she ran away. Thirdly, we wanted a closure to the episode that we have with him.

I guess at the end of the session, these are our conclusions:
a) he unleased Pebble for no good reason,
b) he did little to recover her,
c) he felt nothing for the lost,
d) he is an irresponsble and stupid chap. Even the Russians who were present could not understand his stupidity and indifference.

An Update

Today is the start of the working week after a very long public holiday (lasted a week). Adrian, his colleague, our driver and I went back to the estate to see if we had any luck with the schools. Sad to say, the school will be closed until 15 Jan, but the security guard assured us that they were aware of Pebble's disappearance; apparently, it had became the talk of the town. They were on the look out for her as they took such cases very seriously (Russians are dog lovers). Adrian's colleague has also been helping us keep tabs on those websites listing sales of dogs and lost and found.

We also placed press ads in the local newspaper as well as the one for Moscow, and bought a 1-week TV ad in the region where she was lost. Now, all we can do is wait and hope that someone will see the ads and bring Pebble back to us.

To my friends: Don't worry, Adrian and I will manage. See you back in Singapore on 7 Feb.

The 10th Day!

Today marks the 10th day of Pebble's disappearance. Adrian and I decided to take a break from the search and do some administrative things like reprinting her flyers, replenishing tubes of glue and scotch tape, and wash the car. Many things seem not in place in her absence. There was no one to chase after the vacuum cleaner when I was vacuuming the house, no shit to clean in the toilet, no one to squeeze underneath the bed and many many more. There are many many memories of her in the house...every corner reminds you of her absence.

To Pebble

I am sorry that mummy entrusted you to a wrong care taker such that you were separated from us. It will be a decision for which mummy will never forgive herself. But mummy and daddy will continue to look for you...we will never give up on you.

To All My Friends.....

Thank you Line and Ngiam for getting me a good "qian" and I am patiently waiting for the lost to be recovered.
Thank you Jenny and Fang for checking on me.
Thank you Liang for lightening up the atmosphere for everybody.
Thank you Weiling for sending me the link to the online "qiu qian" mechanism
Thank you all for feeling the pain with me and giving the support.

In case you are wondering what we have gathered about Pebble so far:
28 Dec (1 day after she ran away) - spotted in the kindergarten looking hungry: this really breaks my heart cos Pebble was never, ever being left hungry. It breaks my heart also she is so near where she ran off and the pet sitter didn't even bother to look for her.
30 Dec - spotted in another school being chase by another dog to a construction site at noon.
30 Dec - spotted walking towards a very long and uninhabited road.

After our analysis, our hope is that she ran into the kindergarten looking for food and she was picked up by someone in the school hence nobody in the neighbourhood saw her thereafter. As for the 2nd and 3rd sighting, the white dog is not her. There are many white dogs around the area indicated. Maybe this is self-denial but I really don't understand why nobody sees her if she is still straying around.

On the eve of the New Year, I lost Pebble :(

Can someone tell me where she is, how she is, what she is doing, when can she come home? I don't know what to do without Pebble. I called my heart out to her but nothing came back. Pebble...come home...Mummy is waiting for you!

The fog...jeopardising my Christmas plan!!!

The weather is going haywire. It only started snowing 5 days ago in Moscow and the current temperature is nowhere near when it should have been. Now the fog situation is jeopardising my Christmas plan in London. Does not even know if my flight will be delayed or worse still, cancelled. I really hope the fog clear up tomorrow. At least I will not feel so bad that I cannot celebrate my Christmas with my friends who will be enjoying their steamboat and satay lunch on Sunday. To all my friends, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It's finally SNOWING!!!

After much waiting, the snow has finally arrived in Moscow and the rest of Europe. Suddenly it becomes much colder so cannot leave home without ensuring proper insulation. Have to be very careful when you walk too. Last night, on my way to dinner, I almost slipped and fell. I wonder how harsh will this year's winter be?

My experience in the soup kitchen.

I followed a friend to help out in a soup kitchen yesterday. The soup kitchen is a place that provides hot meals for the old and needy. The elderly will come into the kitchen with vouchers. Each voucher will entitle them to a bowl of soup, a cup of tea, 2 small pieces of bread and about 4-5 pelmeni (russian dumplings). Some choose to eat at the kitchen while others prefer to tabao. It is quite sad looking at the containers they use to pack the food. Some came with more decent boxes while others just made do with used coke bottles to contain the tea etc.

While they are not the wealthy lot of the city dwellers, many are certainly a happy bunch. They came to the kitchen, besides to get some free hot meals, they also enjoy the company of their friends. One even told me that she hoped I find a good boyfriend and be blessed with good health. Many are also grateful of what they are eating and do not complain about the quality of the food (maybe they did but I cannot understand). Seldom you see any wastage left on their plates. I guess this is what they mean by happiness is not measured by how much or how little you have. But rather, is accepting and be contented with what you are already been blessed with.

Code Red In My Bank Account :(

Did my accounts today. OMG! How come there are still so many bills which are not cleared? After minusing off the amount, the little bonus that I got from Adrian does not exist anymore. I think I have to watch my spending. To make matter worse, there will be more up and coming temptations like post Christmas sale in London. How I wish it's raining money rather than raining cats and dogs. I am now 3 months behind my saving target. Time to do something drastic. Maybe Adrian will have only 1 meal a day starting from tomorrow :P.

They've gone....HOME!

The house suddenly feels cold again. Ngiam and Jenny are on their way home....Here are some memories of their stay....

Wanna see the rest of the photos? It's with Jenny.

Jenny's Dinner Today!

Rice with vegetables and egg;
1 mini ice-cream;
1 banana;
4 slices of oranges;
1 donut

Shen Bu You Ji!

There are a lot of shen bu you ji (s) in life and I have to meet 2 today. Caught in between a friend and somebody in authority. Then may have to attend some silly function in this rainy and cold weather. CAN SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE????

The 2 Puzzles In My Life At The ARK!

I spent all my Monday evenings at the ARK, commonly known as Muchuan to many, during my 1 month holiday in Singapore. It is a place that forms up 2 puzzles in my life so far. The first being during my university days and the second being the current phase of my life.

I remember during my uni days, I had a group of seniors who really love to spend our evenings at Muchuan. Listening to songs, enjoying colourful pao pao cha and indulging in one another's company. We just liked to sit around at the cushion area, talk rubbish and relax. We left a lot of memories behind, in the old ARK. Time passes, many of the old gang had moved on in their lives. Some are married, some are working overseas and some had...simply lost contact. Graduation, moving on to the next phase of our lives concluded our visits to Muchuan and also in some ways, concluded our friendships with one another.

It is rather sad that relationships of any kind get lost, get diluted, get broken when people stop putting in the effort. Many a times, we are the culprits of such an ending because there are other priorities in lives.

The second puzzle with the ARK started at the beginning of this year. This time, at a new location with a new set up. The initial feel of the place is that it is more "thin down". The old ARK gave a more warm and cozy feeling. Never mind the aesthetics, the old feel of the ARK remains. The visits were with a group of secondary school friends whom have managed to stick with one another for about 17 years. Thinking back, this is a remarkable achievement and a very valuable relationship many wish they had. The visit to the ARK had changed from fun and companionship (during uni days) to a place where few old friends share our joys, our sorrows and our inner thoughts of things and people around us.

There is also an interesting affiliation that we foster with the 4 singers at the ARK. They are Xi Mei, Mei Lian, Ah Du and Jian Hua (Monday segment - From 8pm to 11pm).

(4 out of the 6 people

here are the singers of the ARK on Monday evening. Who are the ones? This is for you to find out :) )

Why interesting affiliation? I guess is because how the acquaintance has evolved. From being just another audience at the ARK to having a form of familiarity with one another. Many a times I can feel the passion of what they believe in, the sincerity in their words and the thinking behind their thoughts. I never thought my evenings there are to see a show or a performance. It is more of going back to a familiar place, to see familiar people, to continue where we have left off and sometimes to seek solace in.

The ARK to me, is a place where friendship are formed, enjoyed, fostered and a place with many many fond memories.

To Monsters - Ganbatei and I really hope to be able to hear you and see you again. In the meantime, keep in touch :)

To my friends who are with me - Friends forever :)

Engine Restarting

Back from a long and wonderful vocation in Singapore. Some feelings after returning....

Singapore...bright and sunny...just like my life in the past 1 month.
Moscow....damp and cold....just like my life in the last 6 months.

Singapore...warm and friendly....just the friends and family I have back home.
Moscow....chilling and aloft....(don't want to describe...need to stay positive).

Stay tune....:)