Some kind of a mother!

I was turning into the car park when I had to stop for a woman to cross the road. She did not bothered to check if there were any incoming cars. She looked as though she was in her own world and took her own sweet time to walk pass my car. Just when I thought she was done and my leg was on the accelerator, out came her little daughter. She emerged from behind the van that was stationery on the other side of the road. I was lucky that I had not stepped on the accelerator. The little girl, probably about 4 years old, had her head down as the raindrops were pattering on her little raincoat hood. I was in a moment of shock when she appeared. How can someone allowed her child to cross the road on her own? She was so young. I cannot imagine what will happen if I had moved off after her. However, her mother was oblivious about the whole incident. Thank God, I was split of a second slower.

A reflection

An incident yesterday made me reflect on these 2 words, "socially responsible". These are such morally-weighted words. It is easy to tell someone with influenza to be socially responsible and rest at home until one is well. However, the 2 words will weigh a ton on people with diseases such as AIDS. What does being socially responsible mean for these people? Maybe, it could mean stay away; minimum contact please; your absence is for the good of your love ones; isolation etc. Why this perception? I guess "socially responsible" is not given due justice as our environment is not ideally forgiving. Let me explain. Assuming the community fully understands how HIV can be transmitted, trust the probability of accidental infection is negligible, is inclusive of the infected and discrimination is unheard of, being socially responsible would be a by-product. Yes, this may be Utopian. But remember the quote, "every action, there's a reaction"?

If one has to be permanently isolated just to be socially responsible, if one has to be cut off from their love ones just to be socially responsible, if one has to stay away just to be socially responsible, what is the quality of life for them? Let's not connect how they had contracted the disease to how they should lead their life thereafter. The sheer fact of being infected is a price paid, not forgetting there are also innocent victims. Maybe, for these people, the environment they once trust becomes unfamiliar, the people they once loved becomes distant just because they try to be socially responsible. "Please be socially responsible"....a so morally-weighted statement. An important cultivated behavior but a harsh one too if you are at the other end of the spectrum.

What am I doing?

Sitting in office, staring at the monitor, chatting online with colleagues, blogging about what I am doing now. Such boring life!

Mind Blowing....

I am tired but I must get this excitement off my chest. My first travel photography class. At 7.15pm today, I thought I signed up for a useless class (when I saw the course outline). Looked very basic and boring to me. But when the class started, I was blown away. Visualise this; a young man on a "bucket boat" trying to empty a pail of water that had seeped into the boat on a shimmering Saigon River just before day break. How about 2 clay Ho Ching Ming statues (one wrapped in clear plastic and another in Vietnamese newspapers) placed behind a Peugeot(french) bicycle etc. I am not good with words and I don't think I had given justice to the photos using my descriptions. But it was that kind of photos I aspire to produce. They showed life beyond my 3ft by 3ft cubicle, beyond emphasis of deadlines, beyond trying to justify you are a more-than-average. It shows simplicity can be beautiful, it shows life can be simple, it shows diversity and variety, it shows purity of nature, it shows our existence is not the center of the world. Reuben asked me this last Saturday; what kind of photos I like to take. I couldn't decide until today. I want photo-stories. Photos that tell stories.

Another health episode

Somehow, my health always takes a toll when my boss is on leave. And when it happened, I usually did not have the luxury of taking medical leave. It happened again. I was down with a very bad allergic reaction. To what, I do not know. All I knew was after eating the crepe with Peking duck and lychee fillings, rashes, swollen fingers and swollen lips were what's left. The 3 rounds of visitation to the doctor was a torture with all the waiting and screening procedures. Worse still, I still cannot find out why am I having difficulty in breathing. The X-rays shown perfectly clear lungs and throat. Maybe its not the lungs? Maybe its the heart? Had been sleeping badly for the last 3 nights; waking up at 12am and only to fall asleep again at 3am. Tired.....I need a break, I want some rest, I have to sleep. But what am I doing? In office at 7pm, hungry, tired .....If I am lucky, I should be able to get out of this tiny cubicle at 8pm. Praying to get out soon.

Excruciating first experience!

I was conned by its far from intimidating outlook. I thought I could take the pain. I was wrong. I had my first and probably last (unless of absolute necessity) acupuncture session. I was literally being pinned down by 17 hair-line thick formidable needles. 4 on my arms, 4 on my legs and 9 on my tummy. All in the name of vanity. 

I thought, "How painful can it be? It was not an injury anyway." When the first needle went in, I knew I made the wrong decision. It was pain that you cannot preempt. It was an ant bite, followed by a second of electrocution and then 30 minutes of aches with numbness. In some areas, it was an an bite, followed by a second of electrocution with occasional muscle spasm and 30 minutes of aches.

This was not all! The removal process sent off instant excruciating pain and muscle twitch. Next came the cupping process. A procedure where bamboo or glass cups were heated and immediately cupped onto the skin. The vacuum created by the heat sucked up as much flesh as it could causing the cups to be securely attached to the body. The purpose? To force the toxins in the body to float up to the surface of the skin. I must admit, due to excessive possession of flesh on my body, the cupping process was more damaging than the needles. (See picutre - I have 12 of these marks on my body.) When the alarm from the physician's table sound, I knew it was over. I had never felt so relieved and relaxed.

The "acupunctured" feeling did not end there. I wonder how many days before all the effects wear away.

我要走天涯！

世界这么大，为何我却天天躲在这小小的空间里呢？
我要走天涯，这里看看，那里瞧瞧。
我不要争荣誉，也不想乘天对着无味的deadline.
我要走天涯！

Retirement thoughts...

Someone said, "be careful what you wish for, it might just happen!". "I wish for early retirement, I wish for a windfall, I wish that whatever I wish for just now will happen." Hee hee.

Wondering..

Everyone has their worth and purpose in this world. Ever wonder what is yours? A friend shared his thoughts. That, there's a fellowship to be formed, there's blessings and goodness from the almighty to be enjoyed. While we lament about the toughness of life, the many "if only" situations, it takes wisdom and peace to see its intangible richness. I am glad at least I have 1 wise friend :)

  

Finally started!

I finally started my photography class. Dealing with concepts such as F-stops, aperture, shutter speed, focal length etc were not easy tasks, especially after a long day in office. But it's fun. Here are 3 of the 5 photos which I had selected for a photo critic session on Thursday. Wonder how bad will they be critic. Cross my fingers :P

Cars...

Are there more cars on the road or am I imagining things?

Who should carry the bag - Part 2

If you have the same build as your parents, who should carry your school bag? Answer: Your parents.

P/s: This is not my opinion but my observation.

Who should carry the bag?

Occasionally, I will meet this neighbour leaving for school in the lift. She is a secondary school student who is studying at the school next to my condo. What struck me when I first met her was her unkempt hair. Maybe its one of my idiosyncrasy, I found myself starring at her mop for a good 10 seconds. Hair aside, what disgusted me more was her maid. Her maid was carrying her bag, yes, her school bag. And to make it more unbelievable, she was helping her to carry it to the car where her mother was waiting in it to fetch her to school. If you still remember, her school is just next to our condo.

I have a few issues with this mop-haired girl. One, she looks perfectly healthy but she is unable to carry her bag. Two, someone should buy her a comb. If you think that she happened to meet me on a bad hair day, you are wrong. Her hair looks the same state on the many occasions that we met. Three, maybe we should push for a environment-friendly cum physical activity day. Something like, "Park Your Car, Walk On The Tar".

Pity is, I was never on the "trouble maker" mode when I met her. If not, I think I would have created an unfriendly neighbour as I confronted this, in my opinion, unacceptable laziness.

Expressway express?

These are my observations when driving on the expressway nowadays:

a. Left lane - for extremely slow vehicles
b. Middle lane - for slow vehicles and top speed "tua leng gong"s
c. Right lane - for normal speed vehicles, accident-causing tail-gaters and hell drivers

So are expressways still express? Only when you are on the right lane, in front of normal speed vehicles, being tail-gated by irritating vehicles roaring to kiss your car's ass and behind the hell drivers.

The Human Touch

Relationship, something very delicate. It can be strong and be in a "I will ride with you through any storm" mode in one second and be in "I don't know you at all" mode in another. I can never understand why we cannot be more forth coming in our thoughts, more transparent in our feelings. As a receiver, I always find it difficult to keep guessing what the other party is thinking, is feeling. What if I misinterpret? What if I am a devil's advocate? Wouldn't the receiver then be wrongly accused, unduly misunderstood? If only we can take our life a bit simpler and be more true and clear with one another.

Pebble's 2nd year anniversary

It's your 2nd anniversary. I cannot tell you how much I miss you. Someone dear, wrote this for me about you. I want to share it with you on your anniversary....

glimpses
reaching out, touching you
the warmth of your hug
as our nose touch
breathe the life in you,in me
almost
it builds on..
those rainy nights
are you comforted
with warmth and love
or in some corners
abandoned?
it builds on...
can I hang my soul
or stow it away
so the pain doesn't grow
it's like a 1000 stab
only to be resurrected again
double the pain
like being maimed
it builds on....
the weight of the memories
wearing me down
still glimpses of you
as I reached out
you fade away
yearning

Seeking peaceful moments

I have been feeling disturbed recently. By what? Many things. But I think the culprit of it all is uncertainty. Uncertain of the future, the people around me, my life and myself as a person. The mind is in a whirlpool. The heart yearns for some peaceful moments. I'm tired. Tired of people's expectations of me, of my expectations of others, of the burdens I have to shoulder, of the things that are happening in my life, of the things that are not happening in my life. I have the sudden urge to go away. Somewhere far, where out of reach is out of mind. A selfish thought I know for we don't not exist for ourselves alone. How important is "I"? Rightfully, "I" should take care of myself, be my best friend etc for "I" am the most important person to me. Sounds self-centred but isn't that what self preservation is all about? Who will treat "I" better than myself if everyone has an "I" in them?

Blog for 3 years

Took a peep at my old posts. Gosh, didn't realise that I have been blogging for 3 years already. What started as a record of my overseas experience and something to kill my boredom has stuck with me since. It's that time of the year when I need to change my blogskin again. Any suggestions?

2008 coming to an end....

I have been running through what I had been through for 2008 in my mind recently. These are my takings for the year:

Moving back from Moscow and starting work all over again. Life is beautiful but ironic at times. When I was in Moscow, I yearned so much for me to come back, to be with friends and family and to start doing something useful to the economy again. It happened in June 08. Starting my life on this little red dot again was not tough but certainly the contributing to the economy bit was not as exciting as I thought it would be. To begin with, I thought my skills were rusty and there were a lot of catching up to do. Things in the department were totally different from when I left. People are different, expectations are different, procedures are different. Life as an expatriate began to flash in front of my eyes in many instances. Moments in Moscow were, to my surprise, missed. I long for the freedom I had when I was in Moscow. The freedom of time, the freedom of doing things I want to do. Conclusion is, be careful what you wish for.

I thought emotions about Pebble would have been better managed after 2 years. Apparently not so. Talking about her is still not easy. Memories of her are still vivid. Why does she arched so deeply in my heart? I think besides her being an endearing dog, there are many qualities about her which I cannot find in people whom I come in contact with everyday. I know she will never abandon me, I know she will always stay close, I know she will never desert me because of her other priorities, I know she will always provide that comfort touch. I know she will never take me for granted. On the contrary, I was the cause of her abandonment, her not being able to have someone close, her fending for herself in deep winter, her being in great danger for being alone out there........(I can't write anymore).

What about friends? The long standing ones are still around and still playing a very important role in my life. New ones? Well, maybe hard to come by nowadays, maybe hard to establish that closeness too. I must admit I am not an easy friend to have for I have my own close to idealistic demands. I believe those who can get close will be thrown off by such idealism. Maybe that's why new friends exited my life after establishing a certain closeness, whether I like it or not. What happens then? Nothing very much besides adding another name to the "Abandonment" list and another dosage of heartache and pain. You will ask, "why not stop looking? Stop having those ridiculous demands? It's a vicious cycle isn't it? It's asking for trouble and then wanting people to pity you, isn't it?" Yes, I admit, in many instances, I did ask for it. I need the antidote call " gracious letting go".

Family? Realised that my folks are getting old and their falling sick one after another worries me. It is a very scary experience. The thought of losing them suddenly becomes very real. Praying for their good health.

Our 8 years...

4th Dec 2000....I signed my life first and most important "contract". I remembered my answer to this question, "......will you take this man to be your legal husband....". It was "ok lor!". How inappropriate. I can still remember that stare the Solemniser gave me before she hastily corrected me. "I do" or "I do not" was the answer she was looking for, not the singlish version of it.

8 years passed. I must say the jittery I had at ROM was uncalled for. It was a fulfilling 8 years. The experience of building our lives together are about trial and error, tolerance, respect and love. I look forward to another 8 years, 16 years, 24 years ..... with this man who look so cute in the photos above. Happy Anniversary, Darling.