Pregnancy Blues

I thought my first post about my pregnancy would be something exciting and happy. Unfortunately, there will be a patch of dark cloud hovering over the sky of this post. There were plans to put up scan photos and to detail each milestone. But things came to a halt before I can even start.

I took my Oscar about a week ago and the result turned out to be 1:235 (high risk category). Upon further examination of the report, my baby seems to be having a higher than normal nuchal transparency (NT) reading. An amnio test was recommended. I started reading up about NT and the results of the Oscar. It is a very frustrating process as different medical reports would give you different conclusions or no conclusion. Some were things that assured you while others were information that put you in an uneasy situation.

Staying positive at this juncture is the most important and perhaps most difficult. Turning to faith seems to have a calming effect. At service on Sunday, the message was to trust and have faith. A random reading of today's Bible verse is also about having faith. I trust my chances are good as the odds are relatively low and I will put my faith on Him to guide me through this process and what comes thereafter. I hope I can start detailing my pregnancy soon. 2 more weeks. Chin up!

Uncluttering my thoughts

I has been a while since I last updated my blog. Strangely for this post, I don't know where to begin, how to structure .....But it doesn't matter. The aim is to unclutter some thoughts. Someone told me recently that when a door is shut on you, there are always others that will open. Options. I woke up one morning, having a very strong conviction to break out of my current life. Not that it is not good enough, it's just a feeling of being shortchanged. While there is this strong conviction, a voice murmurs within me, "Stop being so self-centred. Think about those around you. You have a responsibility with them too."

Anyhow, I was overcome by that conviction and suddenly everything seems so calm and clear. Opportunities start to present itself. My only confusion now is, "What do I want?". Yes, another "Me" statement. I don't know. I am just blown away by that conviction, by the opportunities that presented itself thereafter.

Searching within, the only visual that keeps appearing is, "Do something meaningful, do something you like." Shall let this guide me to wherever I shall be next.

Last week of 2009

Taking a stock check of 2009.

The most memorable..........Spain and Paris.

The most dreadful.........time in office.

The most blissful.......family and friends.

The most unexpected.........3 pregnant colleagues at the same time.

The most anticipated.........a new house.

Forwarding to 2010.

The most anticipated......a change in routine.

The most challenging......courage to live life the way I want it to be.

The most sincere prayer......for family and friends.

Prayers....

I pray for him to get back on track,

I pray for him to be responsible,

I pray for their freedom,

I pray for their rid of problems,

I pray for them to enjoy retirement, or near retirement,

I pray for light at the end of the tunnel,

I pray for new path,

I pray for her fate,

I pray for a better life in heaven otherwise.

In YOUR name, I pray. YOU do hear, YOU do know.....right?

Some kind of a mother!

I was turning into the car park when I had to stop for a woman to cross the road. She did not bothered to check if there were any incoming cars. She looked as though she was in her own world and took her own sweet time to walk pass my car. Just when I thought she was done and my leg was on the accelerator, out came her little daughter. She emerged from behind the van that was stationery on the other side of the road. I was lucky that I had not stepped on the accelerator. The little girl, probably about 4 years old, had her head down as the raindrops were pattering on her little raincoat hood. I was in a moment of shock when she appeared. How can someone allowed her child to cross the road on her own? She was so young. I cannot imagine what will happen if I had moved off after her. However, her mother was oblivious about the whole incident. Thank God, I was split of a second slower.

A reflection

An incident yesterday made me reflect on these 2 words, "socially responsible". These are such morally-weighted words. It is easy to tell someone with influenza to be socially responsible and rest at home until one is well. However, the 2 words will weigh a ton on people with diseases such as AIDS. What does being socially responsible mean for these people? Maybe, it could mean stay away; minimum contact please; your absence is for the good of your love ones; isolation etc. Why this perception? I guess "socially responsible" is not given due justice as our environment is not ideally forgiving. Let me explain. Assuming the community fully understands how HIV can be transmitted, trust the probability of accidental infection is negligible, is inclusive of the infected and discrimination is unheard of, being socially responsible would be a by-product. Yes, this may be Utopian. But remember the quote, "every action, there's a reaction"?

If one has to be permanently isolated just to be socially responsible, if one has to be cut off from their love ones just to be socially responsible, if one has to stay away just to be socially responsible, what is the quality of life for them? Let's not connect how they had contracted the disease to how they should lead their life thereafter. The sheer fact of being infected is a price paid, not forgetting there are also innocent victims. Maybe, for these people, the environment they once trust becomes unfamiliar, the people they once loved becomes distant just because they try to be socially responsible. "Please be socially responsible"....a so morally-weighted statement. An important cultivated behavior but a harsh one too if you are at the other end of the spectrum.

What am I doing?

Sitting in office, staring at the monitor, chatting online with colleagues, blogging about what I am doing now. Such boring life!