The fog...jeopardising my Christmas plan!!!

The weather is going haywire. It only started snowing 5 days ago in Moscow and the current temperature is nowhere near when it should have been. Now the fog situation is jeopardising my Christmas plan in London. Does not even know if my flight will be delayed or worse still, cancelled. I really hope the fog clear up tomorrow. At least I will not feel so bad that I cannot celebrate my Christmas with my friends who will be enjoying their steamboat and satay lunch on Sunday. To all my friends, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It's finally SNOWING!!!

After much waiting, the snow has finally arrived in Moscow and the rest of Europe. Suddenly it becomes much colder so cannot leave home without ensuring proper insulation. Have to be very careful when you walk too. Last night, on my way to dinner, I almost slipped and fell. I wonder how harsh will this year's winter be?

My experience in the soup kitchen.

I followed a friend to help out in a soup kitchen yesterday. The soup kitchen is a place that provides hot meals for the old and needy. The elderly will come into the kitchen with vouchers. Each voucher will entitle them to a bowl of soup, a cup of tea, 2 small pieces of bread and about 4-5 pelmeni (russian dumplings). Some choose to eat at the kitchen while others prefer to tabao. It is quite sad looking at the containers they use to pack the food. Some came with more decent boxes while others just made do with used coke bottles to contain the tea etc.

While they are not the wealthy lot of the city dwellers, many are certainly a happy bunch. They came to the kitchen, besides to get some free hot meals, they also enjoy the company of their friends. One even told me that she hoped I find a good boyfriend and be blessed with good health. Many are also grateful of what they are eating and do not complain about the quality of the food (maybe they did but I cannot understand). Seldom you see any wastage left on their plates. I guess this is what they mean by happiness is not measured by how much or how little you have. But rather, is accepting and be contented with what you are already been blessed with.

Code Red In My Bank Account :(

Did my accounts today. OMG! How come there are still so many bills which are not cleared? After minusing off the amount, the little bonus that I got from Adrian does not exist anymore. I think I have to watch my spending. To make matter worse, there will be more up and coming temptations like post Christmas sale in London. How I wish it's raining money rather than raining cats and dogs. I am now 3 months behind my saving target. Time to do something drastic. Maybe Adrian will have only 1 meal a day starting from tomorrow :P.

They've gone....HOME!

The house suddenly feels cold again. Ngiam and Jenny are on their way home....Here are some memories of their stay....

Wanna see the rest of the photos? It's with Jenny.

Jenny's Dinner Today!

Rice with vegetables and egg;
1 mini ice-cream;
1 banana;
4 slices of oranges;
1 donut

Shen Bu You Ji!

There are a lot of shen bu you ji (s) in life and I have to meet 2 today. Caught in between a friend and somebody in authority. Then may have to attend some silly function in this rainy and cold weather. CAN SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE????

The 2 Puzzles In My Life At The ARK!

I spent all my Monday evenings at the ARK, commonly known as Muchuan to many, during my 1 month holiday in Singapore. It is a place that forms up 2 puzzles in my life so far. The first being during my university days and the second being the current phase of my life.

I remember during my uni days, I had a group of seniors who really love to spend our evenings at Muchuan. Listening to songs, enjoying colourful pao pao cha and indulging in one another's company. We just liked to sit around at the cushion area, talk rubbish and relax. We left a lot of memories behind, in the old ARK. Time passes, many of the old gang had moved on in their lives. Some are married, some are working overseas and some had...simply lost contact. Graduation, moving on to the next phase of our lives concluded our visits to Muchuan and also in some ways, concluded our friendships with one another.

It is rather sad that relationships of any kind get lost, get diluted, get broken when people stop putting in the effort. Many a times, we are the culprits of such an ending because there are other priorities in lives.

The second puzzle with the ARK started at the beginning of this year. This time, at a new location with a new set up. The initial feel of the place is that it is more "thin down". The old ARK gave a more warm and cozy feeling. Never mind the aesthetics, the old feel of the ARK remains. The visits were with a group of secondary school friends whom have managed to stick with one another for about 17 years. Thinking back, this is a remarkable achievement and a very valuable relationship many wish they had. The visit to the ARK had changed from fun and companionship (during uni days) to a place where few old friends share our joys, our sorrows and our inner thoughts of things and people around us.

There is also an interesting affiliation that we foster with the 4 singers at the ARK. They are Xi Mei, Mei Lian, Ah Du and Jian Hua (Monday segment - From 8pm to 11pm).

(4 out of the 6 people

here are the singers of the ARK on Monday evening. Who are the ones? This is for you to find out :) )

Why interesting affiliation? I guess is because how the acquaintance has evolved. From being just another audience at the ARK to having a form of familiarity with one another. Many a times I can feel the passion of what they believe in, the sincerity in their words and the thinking behind their thoughts. I never thought my evenings there are to see a show or a performance. It is more of going back to a familiar place, to see familiar people, to continue where we have left off and sometimes to seek solace in.

The ARK to me, is a place where friendship are formed, enjoyed, fostered and a place with many many fond memories.

To Monsters - Ganbatei and I really hope to be able to hear you and see you again. In the meantime, keep in touch :)

To my friends who are with me - Friends forever :)

Engine Restarting

Back from a long and wonderful vocation in Singapore. Some feelings after returning....

Singapore...bright and sunny...just like my life in the past 1 month.
Moscow....damp and cold....just like my life in the last 6 months.

Singapore...warm and friendly....just the friends and family I have back home.
Moscow....chilling and aloft....(don't want to describe...need to stay positive).

Stay tune....:)

Politics!

I thought the highest chance of getting myself churned into some irrational politics is when I am working. Office politics, people pitting against one another just to get into the good books of the bosses kind of thing. But I was wrong. It is everywhere, as long as there is people interaction and sometimes the reason behind all these is just simply plain childishness and selfishness. Many a times, you are just an innocent victim. Maybe is such superficial relationships that make genuine ones more valuable.

6 months stock-take....

It is almost 6 months since I arrived in Moscow. I think its time to do some stock taking. I asked myself the following:

a) What about Moscow that I like so far?
I think ...for quite a while..cold weather, a chance to wear boots, a chance to try cross country skiing, a chance to meet people of very different background, learn how to cook.

Looks like quite a list. But when I asked myself the next question, the list is even longer. Check it out!

b) What about Moscow I dislike?
No need to think for long....pavement is like a bit spitoon, men who smells, 80% of smoking area in restaurants, dumbfolded because you cannot speak their language, given up wearing heals to avoid breaking my ankle, friendless, lack of things to do, lack of income, expensive standard of living, tap water that cannot be drank, racial discrimination, policemen that you rather avoid etc.

No that I have nothing else to list but I think the list will just go on and on and on and on. So let's move on to the next question.

c) What is the one good thing that happen to me in the last 6 months?
Losing weight but I don't know how long this trend is going to last because I have not experience the winter yet.

d) What is the one bad thing that happen to me in the last 6 months?
I have no answer to this. I cannot pin-point. Maybe there were just too many.

e) What is the most difficult question to answer?
When people ask, "How do you spend your time? Do you like it here?"....please..give me a break!

Life Lines...

I wish I have more life lines at this point in time. Unfortunately, the ones I have now are very thin and I wonder when they will break. Sometimes the thicker and more reliable one is the one that causes me to need to rely on the thinner ones. I despise feeling helpless and alone...

My Bao Bei!

Last December marked the first birthday of my godson. His nickname, the name that all his Yee Yees like to call, Fu Fu. It means fortune in chinese. This was his beautiful birthday cake.

I gave him a 3-in-1 bicycle. It was a bicycle cum rocker cum walker. He was not able to climb onto it yet then. A few months later, he was able to mount onto it. This is him and his first birthday present from Ganma...

Over the months, he had grown so much and so fast. He is now walking on his own, like a little grown up boy. His mum sent me some of the photos that were taken on their outing to the zoo. My, I just need to dedicate one of my episode to him. (At this point, the writting stop for about 15 minutes. Somehow the pictures refused to be loaded.)

Yeah! Got the photos out. He is always a happy bb to me. I can still remember his laughter vividly...the LOL style. I think by the time I go back, he should be able to speak sentences already. Must start thinking what to get him for his second birthday and for Christmas. My godson :)

What can a fat, ugly, useless, depressed, grumpy girl do in life?

Why is sadness being deemed as morbid-ness?
Why is feeling down being deemed as pessimism?
Why is loneliness being deemed as discontent?
Why unsatisfactory has to be tolerated?

Things I did / bought these few days :P

Decided to pamper myself a bit these few days so booked myself for a manicure treat on Monday. Here's the result of my French manicure which cost $1000 rubles (about S$62.50).

Next, I went shopping at the market and found a very nice retro kettle. Thought that it would be a beautiful ornament for the new house. What do you think?

As I walked down the aisles of the market, I came across some unique pendants. Here are what I had picked....

Total spending? 3500 rubles :P

There goes the plan to lose weight :(

My stepper gave way just when I was about to reach the 30-minute mark. A piece of metal...about 1cm in diameter broke into 2. I think I am too heavy for the machine. What am I going to do? No more exercise equipment...:(

Casual Me :)

A friend called me up yesterday. Was surprised to receive her call as she was supposedly to be in Prague with her maid to renew their visa. She told me that she needed help to get a ticket for her maid to go to KL to renew her visa??? Then I realised that the travel agent in Moscow had screwed up again! They got her maid a ticket to Prague but did not process her visa! She was refused entry and had to be deported back.

While I was making my way to her house to get the documents, I decided to take some pictures.

This was taken on Bolshoi Nikitskaya on a Sunday morning. Just outside my house.

This is still on the same street but facing the other way.

After the trip to my friend's place, Adrian and I decided to take lunch at our favourite Japanese restaurant - Ichiban. Here’s what we ordered:

Adrian's pork noodles....and my grilled salmon...Yum Yum!

We were even given a discount card...haha...it
all depends on who you know :P

Think Twice About Being An Expat's Wife

Wanna be an expat's wife? Think twice unless you fulfil the following criteria:

a) You enjoy afternoon tea
b) You have lots of hobbies to pass time
c) You don't really mind superficial friendships
d) You can stand taking $$ from your spouse and not feel that your ego is somehow deflated
e) You don't feel a depreciating sense of worth for not doing anything

Just Being Myself....

Was out shopping with some friends. 50% sale for all branded goods. A pair of Prada shoes cost as low as $5000 rubles (about $300). Relatively cheap I would say. But I ended up empty handed while some of my friends picked up some items. Why didn't you buy? You may ask. Well, simply because I could not afford a branded lifestyle. To me, paying $300 for a pair of shoes is extravagant. No matter how worth it it is. Anyway, Prada shoes do not go well with Giordano clothes.

However, I had to confess that I almost succumbed to temptation. Simply because I am in an environment where I need to be branded. What will others think of me if I am not carrying a Longchamp bag or wearing a pair of TODS? Will people start to talk behind my back? Shoo me for being LC? Well, I come to this conclusion. I need the money for my Masters and I need to prepare for life after 3 years in Moscow, possibly without a job for the first few months. Although $300 for a pair of shoes is not something that I cannot afford, I have alternative use for the money. If people have to see me in that light, so be it. Anyway, everyone of us has different priorities in life.Sometimes it is a drag being in such a society. Life back home is simpler, much simpler.

How will you spend your days if you know they are limited?

Ever wonder what will you do if you know your life is ending? Will you continue to chase after the dollar, go splurge as if there is no tomorrow (eventhough there will be no tomorrow), party your lungs out? I wondered what I will do after watching the movie "My Life". It was about a guy who was diagnosed with cancer at the point when his wife was pregnant. While he tried to fight the illness, he was also secretly recording a video compiling all that he would want to teach his unborn child and trying hard to come to terms with the emotional baggage he had with his family. He died with the luxury of seeing his baby boy taking his first step, gaining forgiveness from his family and fulfilling his childhood wish.

Honestly speaking, I do not know what I will do. I do not know if I will have the courage to face death. I do not know how to entertain the thought of leaving all my loved ones behind. I do not know how to devoid my responsibilities of taking care of my parents. I guess the feeling will be very different from committing suicide.

Fakes! How Far Can It Go?

I read with great astonishment and amusement of how the Russians are bringing fakes to greater heights in a newspaper report. When we talk about fakes, it is usually things like DVDs, watches, bags, clothings, maybe passports. But to the Russians, these fakes are kids' stuff. They are having million-dollar businesses from fake tours, paintings, pets, caviar, pharmaceutical drugs, handphones, healthcare certificates, degrees, VIP stickers for cars, performances, wine amidst all that were mentioned above. AMAZING!

For people who think that they have gotten some branded things at a cheap price in Russia, BEWARE, because according to the report, about 50% of all consumer goods sold in Russia are counterfeit. Just think about it, how can branded things be cheaper when all of these are imported with taxes?

My concern is the fake drugs in the market. About 12% of them are FAKE, mostly headache remedies. Phew! Thank God that I have an enormous supply of Panadol from home. For those who are wondering what are fake tours, here is what happens. Fake tours are popular with people who needs to brag about their overseas trips to their friends but are unable to afford. They are also popular with errant husbands who want their wives to believe they are on fishing trips. The tour agent will arrange for ticket stubs, hotel receipts, photographs with client's images superimposed on them, souvenirs and even a distant mobile phone number! GENIUS!

Taking a step back, why is the "FAKING" scene so rampant in this country? Well, I do not exactly know the reason but given the short stint of living in Moscow for 2 months, here is my humble insight. Being branded is a must in Moscow for your social status is dependent on how you dress, what you dress, what car you drive etc. I was talking to some expatriates and they shared that in some pubs, they reject entry to customers whom they think do not fit into the kind of patronage they want by judging from their physical appearances (including if they are wearing maybe Prada or Dolce & Gabbana suits). It is because of such social practices that being branded becomes a necessity. However, not everyone can afford such luxuries. In fact I believe many of us can't. So the alternative? Making fakes as real as possible. Of course, there are also many that just spend their entire months of salary on branded goods and the notion of "saving for rainy days" is remote. Maybe, there is no longer trust on savings after the economy crash in 1998 and savings are turned to nothing overnight. Such extremities can sometimes change a person's perception of things.

Whatever is the reason, I certainly hope that Moscovites or Russians do not lose their warm and sincere personalities (whom they really are) to these material luxuries.

The difference between a domestic goddess and a tai tai in Moscow?

I was watching CNN today and there was this news about Moscow being the most expensive city in the world to live in. Since, the first 3 postings are serious stuff, I decided that the fourth should be something more light-hearted. Before I begin, I would like to thank a friend who created this term "domestic goddess". It simply means housewife in a nicer term.

Living in Moscow is truly an expensive experience. It will not take you long to realise. A meal out at the restaurant can easily cost about $60 per person (lunch). A pack of tissue paper costs about $1. Not to mention the real estate prices. Therefore, it is easy to tell who are the real tai tai and who are the domestic goddess in this society.

The real tai tai will have the following perks:
a) Car with chauffeur at their beck and call
b) Maid or nanny to take care of housework and children
c) Lots of cash to spend on branded goods, lunches, charity events etc
d) Frequent visit to the salon for manicure, pedicure, facial, to pluck eyebrow etc
e) Fitness club membership (in Moscow, a decent membership is very expensive)
f) Frequent trips to Europe and the rest of the world for shopping e.g Milan
g) Expensive furniture from all over the world

The domestic goddess will have the following perks:
a) Ever so efficient metro that links to every part of Moscow
b) Chance to double hat as a maid / nanny. The more lucky ones may have part time maids.
d) Less regular visit to the salon for menicure, pedicure cos the nails always chipped due to housework anyway. Facial? Eggs with cucumber.
e) The fitness club is located at home with simple machines like a stepper or using frequent groceries shopping trips as a form of exercise.
f) Paid trips back home (part of the husband's company package). The lucky ones are able to exchange some of these trips to other parts of the world (but must make sure that the value is the same).
g) Luxury of buying essential furniture from Ikea.

Dedicated to all domestic goddess in Moscow!

A Friend Abandon Forever?

A friend recently emailed me an article by Dr Alan Zimmerman about letting go. It came aptly. Why? It has something to do with the name of my blog. In my last posting, I mentioned that friendship, although cannot be deliberately pursued, must be ploughed on when hitched. I met such a friend 3 years ago. We are not that type of friends who will catch a movie together, have tea, call each other etc but whenever possible, we will meet for lunch. The one-hour lunchtime is usually not enough for there are always so many things to update each other. We both thought that it was a blessing that we met and had non-verbal assurance that this friendship will be long lasting, no matter where we are.

However, this promise has not been fulfilled. 2 months in Moscow, I tried to maintain contact with this friend. I smsed, emailed and even tried calling but there was always no reply. I gave myself the reason that maybe this dear friend is busy. Maybe he really is, I don't know. I began to wonder if what we have established for 3 years was all that wonderful. I even began to doubt if the feelings were mutual. Whatever it is, I know that I am deeply hurt by this reaction, by this friend whom I treasured dearly all this while.

Dr Alan commented in his article that if a person disappoints you, you should take responsibility for your own feelings and walk away from the disappointment. If you don't and you let others control how you feel, you will always be a helpless victim.

When I saw this comment, I thought to myself that either I continue to be hurt by this "no reaction" action from my friend or learn to walk away from this disappointment. The former is easy, status quo, but makes me feel lousy. The latter is hard to achieve, especially for someone who does not let go of relationships easily. Honestly, I still do not know which to choose. And, I'm secretly hoping for a miracle that this friend will contact me soon.

Dr Alan's comments did not end at walking away from disappointment. Forgiving is the final step. By forgiving, he meant letting ourselves off the emotional hook, releasing our negative emotions, attitudes and behaviours. It is about letting go of the past so as to move forward. Could I really do it if my fears about this friend materialised? Maybe, maybe not. I cannot even decide to walk away from my disappointment to begin with, not to mention forgiveness.

A friend advised me to just let nature takes its course. No attempt to contact but no giving up of this friendship too. Just "freeze" it at this point in time. Maybe one day, it will decide to de-freeze and continue from where we left off. Is this an alternative? I don't know but it definitely sounds more attractive.


A confused abandoned friend :(

Friends - The Forever Hot Topic!

How many close friends do you have? Those whom you know will always be there no matter how much commitments they have. Those whom will celebrate your joys, share your woes, appreciate your strengths, forgive your weaknesses. Well, I am blessed with a dozen such pals.

We grew up together. Of course, the dynamics of the friendship change through the different phases of life e.g when we started working, when some got married, when the babies arrived, when some losses were experienced. But what pulls everything together is the belief and trust that we all have in one another. Deep inside, we know we own something that nobody can take away unless we choose to dissolve it.

You may never believe how much strength you can get from such bondage. Take my leaving for example, they never made me feel abandoned for a minute (eventhough my blog is named "An abandoned friend"). I will never forget the "shou mian" that they prepared, the Geylang breakfast they bought for me before I boarded the plane, the waking up in the wee hours of the morning just to see me off, the many phonecalls, msn, skype sessions, the scrap book that contained our photos and my godson's etc. These memories are my strength when loneliness sets in in this foreign land.

It's not only me. I think each and everyone of us finds strength in this friendship. Strength to get through the darkest times, strength to overcome challenges in life. Maybe you will think that with friends like these, would I still need more? Well, friendship is not something you can ascertain how much is enough. It is not something that you can deliberately pursue, but definitely something you have to plough on when hitched. It can be fate that brings 2 person together but it may not determine how beautiful the friendship can ultimately become. However, it takes 2 hands to clap for the relationship to stablise, grow and nurture. Although we cannot and should not dictate that both parties must be able to "invest" equally into it, both parties should at least show interest and efforts to invest.

A friend once told me that friends are functional to him. Each and every one of his friends fulfills a function in his life. What do you think? I only agree if I put on the thinking hat of maybe an engineer i.e. when things are explained in scientific terms.

I always think that my life is beautiful because of the love and care of my family and my friends. To love and to be loved cannot be explained by fulfilling a function. It goes beyond that. It's too discounting to define friendship or any kind of relationship as fulfilling a function in a human's life.

This posting is dedicated to all my friends who have been with me all these years. Cheers! See you back in Singapore soon! Your abandoned friend.

An Abandoned Friend's Blog - Episode 1

For those who have been asking me to start a blog, here, I have done it! There are many thoughts that I would like to post onto my blog but cannot decide what I should start with yet. Maybe I shall start with how I feel about Moscow having stayed here for the past 1.5 months.

To many, being able to stay overseas seems to be something to be envied of. However, for me, the move to Moscow for 3 years poses more anxiety than excitment. To be in the city where you do not know the language, where people seems to be less friendly, where the security is definitely not comparable with home, there are more things to be worried of then be excited for.

The first 2 weeks upon arrival became a nightmare for me. Moving into the apartment with just my luggage and nothing else from home seemed pathetic. You couldn't feel a sense of home but began to sense missing home. And the days that followed got worse. I found myself being cooped up in a white apartment with no access to the world. Without internet access, newspaper etc, I felt my world had came to a stop. I began to question my decision to move; leaving behind a job that I thoroughly enjoyed, my friends, my family and landing myself in a place that totally handicapped me. I couldn't decide if I have made the wrong decision.

Being alone had made matter worse for there is nobody whom you could find support. The arrival of Pebble (my dog) was a god send. She is the greatest companion that I can have in Moscow besides Adrian.

By a stroke of luck, the vet that brought Pebble recommended me a book which I would term it my bible for living in Moscow. The book, of course, is titled "Living in Moscow". It gives me all the information that I need to survive in this unique city. The first thing I went for in the book was the telephone numbers of the language schools. I reckoned that one of the ways to get myself back is to be able to move around and communicate with people. I got myself enrolled for a group class and started lesson the very next day. The lessons made me felt a bit better because it allowed me to get myself out of the apartment and spent my hours meaningfully.

I have to find other things to do besides attending class (only 4 hours a week). I join the International Women's Club which allows me to have access to different interest groups, do charity work and meet people from all over the world. It's a pity that club activities will only get exciting from September because nobody works in summer and many expatriates are on summer vacation.

Many people have asked me if I enjoyed Moscow so far. My answers are always "Yes and No". Yes because I am treated with many new experiences. No because I really miss home.


An abandoned friend
15 June 06