The difference between a domestic goddess and a tai tai in Moscow?

I was watching CNN today and there was this news about Moscow being the most expensive city in the world to live in. Since, the first 3 postings are serious stuff, I decided that the fourth should be something more light-hearted. Before I begin, I would like to thank a friend who created this term "domestic goddess". It simply means housewife in a nicer term.

Living in Moscow is truly an expensive experience. It will not take you long to realise. A meal out at the restaurant can easily cost about $60 per person (lunch). A pack of tissue paper costs about $1. Not to mention the real estate prices. Therefore, it is easy to tell who are the real tai tai and who are the domestic goddess in this society.

The real tai tai will have the following perks:
a) Car with chauffeur at their beck and call
b) Maid or nanny to take care of housework and children
c) Lots of cash to spend on branded goods, lunches, charity events etc
d) Frequent visit to the salon for manicure, pedicure, facial, to pluck eyebrow etc
e) Fitness club membership (in Moscow, a decent membership is very expensive)
f) Frequent trips to Europe and the rest of the world for shopping e.g Milan
g) Expensive furniture from all over the world

The domestic goddess will have the following perks:
a) Ever so efficient metro that links to every part of Moscow
b) Chance to double hat as a maid / nanny. The more lucky ones may have part time maids.
d) Less regular visit to the salon for menicure, pedicure cos the nails always chipped due to housework anyway. Facial? Eggs with cucumber.
e) The fitness club is located at home with simple machines like a stepper or using frequent groceries shopping trips as a form of exercise.
f) Paid trips back home (part of the husband's company package). The lucky ones are able to exchange some of these trips to other parts of the world (but must make sure that the value is the same).
g) Luxury of buying essential furniture from Ikea.

Dedicated to all domestic goddess in Moscow!

A Friend Abandon Forever?

A friend recently emailed me an article by Dr Alan Zimmerman about letting go. It came aptly. Why? It has something to do with the name of my blog. In my last posting, I mentioned that friendship, although cannot be deliberately pursued, must be ploughed on when hitched. I met such a friend 3 years ago. We are not that type of friends who will catch a movie together, have tea, call each other etc but whenever possible, we will meet for lunch. The one-hour lunchtime is usually not enough for there are always so many things to update each other. We both thought that it was a blessing that we met and had non-verbal assurance that this friendship will be long lasting, no matter where we are.

However, this promise has not been fulfilled. 2 months in Moscow, I tried to maintain contact with this friend. I smsed, emailed and even tried calling but there was always no reply. I gave myself the reason that maybe this dear friend is busy. Maybe he really is, I don't know. I began to wonder if what we have established for 3 years was all that wonderful. I even began to doubt if the feelings were mutual. Whatever it is, I know that I am deeply hurt by this reaction, by this friend whom I treasured dearly all this while.

Dr Alan commented in his article that if a person disappoints you, you should take responsibility for your own feelings and walk away from the disappointment. If you don't and you let others control how you feel, you will always be a helpless victim.

When I saw this comment, I thought to myself that either I continue to be hurt by this "no reaction" action from my friend or learn to walk away from this disappointment. The former is easy, status quo, but makes me feel lousy. The latter is hard to achieve, especially for someone who does not let go of relationships easily. Honestly, I still do not know which to choose. And, I'm secretly hoping for a miracle that this friend will contact me soon.

Dr Alan's comments did not end at walking away from disappointment. Forgiving is the final step. By forgiving, he meant letting ourselves off the emotional hook, releasing our negative emotions, attitudes and behaviours. It is about letting go of the past so as to move forward. Could I really do it if my fears about this friend materialised? Maybe, maybe not. I cannot even decide to walk away from my disappointment to begin with, not to mention forgiveness.

A friend advised me to just let nature takes its course. No attempt to contact but no giving up of this friendship too. Just "freeze" it at this point in time. Maybe one day, it will decide to de-freeze and continue from where we left off. Is this an alternative? I don't know but it definitely sounds more attractive.


A confused abandoned friend :(

Friends - The Forever Hot Topic!

How many close friends do you have? Those whom you know will always be there no matter how much commitments they have. Those whom will celebrate your joys, share your woes, appreciate your strengths, forgive your weaknesses. Well, I am blessed with a dozen such pals.

We grew up together. Of course, the dynamics of the friendship change through the different phases of life e.g when we started working, when some got married, when the babies arrived, when some losses were experienced. But what pulls everything together is the belief and trust that we all have in one another. Deep inside, we know we own something that nobody can take away unless we choose to dissolve it.

You may never believe how much strength you can get from such bondage. Take my leaving for example, they never made me feel abandoned for a minute (eventhough my blog is named "An abandoned friend"). I will never forget the "shou mian" that they prepared, the Geylang breakfast they bought for me before I boarded the plane, the waking up in the wee hours of the morning just to see me off, the many phonecalls, msn, skype sessions, the scrap book that contained our photos and my godson's etc. These memories are my strength when loneliness sets in in this foreign land.

It's not only me. I think each and everyone of us finds strength in this friendship. Strength to get through the darkest times, strength to overcome challenges in life. Maybe you will think that with friends like these, would I still need more? Well, friendship is not something you can ascertain how much is enough. It is not something that you can deliberately pursue, but definitely something you have to plough on when hitched. It can be fate that brings 2 person together but it may not determine how beautiful the friendship can ultimately become. However, it takes 2 hands to clap for the relationship to stablise, grow and nurture. Although we cannot and should not dictate that both parties must be able to "invest" equally into it, both parties should at least show interest and efforts to invest.

A friend once told me that friends are functional to him. Each and every one of his friends fulfills a function in his life. What do you think? I only agree if I put on the thinking hat of maybe an engineer i.e. when things are explained in scientific terms.

I always think that my life is beautiful because of the love and care of my family and my friends. To love and to be loved cannot be explained by fulfilling a function. It goes beyond that. It's too discounting to define friendship or any kind of relationship as fulfilling a function in a human's life.

This posting is dedicated to all my friends who have been with me all these years. Cheers! See you back in Singapore soon! Your abandoned friend.

An Abandoned Friend's Blog - Episode 1

For those who have been asking me to start a blog, here, I have done it! There are many thoughts that I would like to post onto my blog but cannot decide what I should start with yet. Maybe I shall start with how I feel about Moscow having stayed here for the past 1.5 months.

To many, being able to stay overseas seems to be something to be envied of. However, for me, the move to Moscow for 3 years poses more anxiety than excitment. To be in the city where you do not know the language, where people seems to be less friendly, where the security is definitely not comparable with home, there are more things to be worried of then be excited for.

The first 2 weeks upon arrival became a nightmare for me. Moving into the apartment with just my luggage and nothing else from home seemed pathetic. You couldn't feel a sense of home but began to sense missing home. And the days that followed got worse. I found myself being cooped up in a white apartment with no access to the world. Without internet access, newspaper etc, I felt my world had came to a stop. I began to question my decision to move; leaving behind a job that I thoroughly enjoyed, my friends, my family and landing myself in a place that totally handicapped me. I couldn't decide if I have made the wrong decision.

Being alone had made matter worse for there is nobody whom you could find support. The arrival of Pebble (my dog) was a god send. She is the greatest companion that I can have in Moscow besides Adrian.

By a stroke of luck, the vet that brought Pebble recommended me a book which I would term it my bible for living in Moscow. The book, of course, is titled "Living in Moscow". It gives me all the information that I need to survive in this unique city. The first thing I went for in the book was the telephone numbers of the language schools. I reckoned that one of the ways to get myself back is to be able to move around and communicate with people. I got myself enrolled for a group class and started lesson the very next day. The lessons made me felt a bit better because it allowed me to get myself out of the apartment and spent my hours meaningfully.

I have to find other things to do besides attending class (only 4 hours a week). I join the International Women's Club which allows me to have access to different interest groups, do charity work and meet people from all over the world. It's a pity that club activities will only get exciting from September because nobody works in summer and many expatriates are on summer vacation.

Many people have asked me if I enjoyed Moscow so far. My answers are always "Yes and No". Yes because I am treated with many new experiences. No because I really miss home.


An abandoned friend
15 June 06