2008 coming to an end....

I have been running through what I had been through for 2008 in my mind recently. These are my takings for the year:

Moving back from Moscow and starting work all over again. Life is beautiful but ironic at times. When I was in Moscow, I yearned so much for me to come back, to be with friends and family and to start doing something useful to the economy again. It happened in June 08. Starting my life on this little red dot again was not tough but certainly the contributing to the economy bit was not as exciting as I thought it would be. To begin with, I thought my skills were rusty and there were a lot of catching up to do. Things in the department were totally different from when I left. People are different, expectations are different, procedures are different. Life as an expatriate began to flash in front of my eyes in many instances. Moments in Moscow were, to my surprise, missed. I long for the freedom I had when I was in Moscow. The freedom of time, the freedom of doing things I want to do. Conclusion is, be careful what you wish for.

I thought emotions about Pebble would have been better managed after 2 years. Apparently not so. Talking about her is still not easy. Memories of her are still vivid. Why does she arched so deeply in my heart? I think besides her being an endearing dog, there are many qualities about her which I cannot find in people whom I come in contact with everyday. I know she will never abandon me, I know she will always stay close, I know she will never desert me because of her other priorities, I know she will always provide that comfort touch. I know she will never take me for granted. On the contrary, I was the cause of her abandonment, her not being able to have someone close, her fending for herself in deep winter, her being in great danger for being alone out there........(I can't write anymore).

What about friends? The long standing ones are still around and still playing a very important role in my life. New ones? Well, maybe hard to come by nowadays, maybe hard to establish that closeness too. I must admit I am not an easy friend to have for I have my own close to idealistic demands. I believe those who can get close will be thrown off by such idealism. Maybe that's why new friends exited my life after establishing a certain closeness, whether I like it or not. What happens then? Nothing very much besides adding another name to the "Abandonment" list and another dosage of heartache and pain. You will ask, "why not stop looking? Stop having those ridiculous demands? It's a vicious cycle isn't it? It's asking for trouble and then wanting people to pity you, isn't it?" Yes, I admit, in many instances, I did ask for it. I need the antidote call " gracious letting go".

Family? Realised that my folks are getting old and their falling sick one after another worries me. It is a very scary experience. The thought of losing them suddenly becomes very real. Praying for their good health.