A Friend Abandon Forever?

A friend recently emailed me an article by Dr Alan Zimmerman about letting go. It came aptly. Why? It has something to do with the name of my blog. In my last posting, I mentioned that friendship, although cannot be deliberately pursued, must be ploughed on when hitched. I met such a friend 3 years ago. We are not that type of friends who will catch a movie together, have tea, call each other etc but whenever possible, we will meet for lunch. The one-hour lunchtime is usually not enough for there are always so many things to update each other. We both thought that it was a blessing that we met and had non-verbal assurance that this friendship will be long lasting, no matter where we are.

However, this promise has not been fulfilled. 2 months in Moscow, I tried to maintain contact with this friend. I smsed, emailed and even tried calling but there was always no reply. I gave myself the reason that maybe this dear friend is busy. Maybe he really is, I don't know. I began to wonder if what we have established for 3 years was all that wonderful. I even began to doubt if the feelings were mutual. Whatever it is, I know that I am deeply hurt by this reaction, by this friend whom I treasured dearly all this while.

Dr Alan commented in his article that if a person disappoints you, you should take responsibility for your own feelings and walk away from the disappointment. If you don't and you let others control how you feel, you will always be a helpless victim.

When I saw this comment, I thought to myself that either I continue to be hurt by this "no reaction" action from my friend or learn to walk away from this disappointment. The former is easy, status quo, but makes me feel lousy. The latter is hard to achieve, especially for someone who does not let go of relationships easily. Honestly, I still do not know which to choose. And, I'm secretly hoping for a miracle that this friend will contact me soon.

Dr Alan's comments did not end at walking away from disappointment. Forgiving is the final step. By forgiving, he meant letting ourselves off the emotional hook, releasing our negative emotions, attitudes and behaviours. It is about letting go of the past so as to move forward. Could I really do it if my fears about this friend materialised? Maybe, maybe not. I cannot even decide to walk away from my disappointment to begin with, not to mention forgiveness.

A friend advised me to just let nature takes its course. No attempt to contact but no giving up of this friendship too. Just "freeze" it at this point in time. Maybe one day, it will decide to de-freeze and continue from where we left off. Is this an alternative? I don't know but it definitely sounds more attractive.


A confused abandoned friend :(